My Shopping List

I want to live a life where nobody can take anything away from me.
I want time to do the things I love
with the people I love
in places I am truly connected to.
I want to support people
help people
and love people.
Money will not dictate these dreams.

I will hold onto my ripped and torn jacket
solely because it’s got a life
woven in it’s seams.
Not because I can’t afford a new one,
not is not a thing.
When the time comes
and I really do need to replace it though
I want a jacket with a  history of it’s own.
I want something drenched with someone else’s tears
their laughter and good times
and all their wisdom too. 

[ My wants are so little,

                       yet they are so big.
       I’ve got to jump through hoops for these things, you know? ]

Flying home
from Canada to Canada,
is most reasonable
with a layover in Mexico.
I need money, and lots of it
just to see my sister
an hour away.
It is illegal to stick my thumb out
share a moment and a ride.
And it is troublesome
to cross an imaginary line.
These are just a few of the hoops
a simple life must learn to navigate.

When people ask me what I want with my life
where I am going
I hope this clearly depicts it;
Love and passion
dreams and happiness
That sort of thing.

Maybe you want different things
I am not here to judge.
This just is,
my personal shopping list.


I Am a Human

I am a human.
I love my dog,
and my Mom and Dad too.
I have big dreams,
and celebrate small accomplishments.
My siblings are my best friends.

I’ve had struggles I never thought I’d make it through,
and feats that completely surprised me.
There are things I could have done without doing,
but those things let me do all I am currently doing.
I never am quite sure,
if it’s regret or high five worthy.

What matters in the end,
is that I am a human-
one of billions of humans-
one species of billions of species-
and a person changing the world with every breath I take.
Rules of mediocrity are suddenly unapplicable,
when you realize you have an impact like that.

If you are reading this,

you are probably human too.
You are the product of love,
gifted with life.
You are capable of anything you want to,
meant to accomplish all you can dream of.


Time and Matters

It doesn’t seem to matter how much time you have,
there is rarely enough time.
It doesn’t matter what time you do it,
there is rarely a good time.
If you do anything that matters,
you’ll let someone down.
And if you spend your time doing things that don’t matter,
you’ll let everyone down.

Drown in things if you want to,
wait for the right time if that’s what you need to.
Assume a number is your freedom,
live in the fantasies of your mind,
if that’s what makes you happy.
Your mind is your reality.

Your very existence though,
is a miracle against all odds.
It beat all matters of time and money and matters.
That is our shared reality.

The Dreadlock Journey

For as long as I can remember, I’ve thought, “Hey, I want dreads!” And for as long as I can remember, I never got them. Then I stopped washing my hair obsessively, and my hair got curlier, perhaps looking the best it’s ever looked… Then I let a friend put a single dread in my hair, and the curls sucked right up to that baby, making an irreversible bird’s nest clobbered at the back of my head. 
I stood in front of the changing room mirror- old ladies getting ready for their aquafit classes, staring at me- as I tackled the beluga whale sized knot. Hours later, I found myself more defeated than I’ve ever felt; I was either letting my hair (which was quite nice I beg to brag) tangle into some crazy mess, or I was chopping it all off into some boy cut. 
In the end, I decided I’d rock the messy hair. I tore the bird’s nest into single dreading strands and started washing my hair with baking soda and water… instead of million dollar shampoo. I got fired before I even took the job- because dreads aren’t an approved hairstyle- and went rock climbing instead. 
For as long as I remember, I’d wanted to make my own journey in this life. There were things I wanted, things that followed utterly no logic to the contemporary man’s world (kind of like dreadlocks and rock climbing.) For some reason though, I spent years delicately balancing between two completely different universes. 
 I brushed and straightened my hair, put my make up and high heels on, and walked into my job at Moxie’s; all so I could throw my hair in a ponytail, wash my make up off, and do keg stands with the boys at the end of my shift. 
How I’ve managed the double, sometimes triple life, until now, I have no idea. The day my hair started dreading though, was the day I realized I was on a journey somewhere new. I was forced into committing my life in one direction or another; there was no more doing things because someone else told me it was the right thing to do; like go to school, or get a job, or hold off rock climbing while I “got my life in order.”

I couldn’t tell my own hair what to do, yet here I was letting people tell me what it should do? Nevermind the whispers of what my Being should do…

I’m coming to the end of my 9-5 desk job, my money problems are no better than they were, and my school is no further than it was. I’ll admit, it is all more of a mess than I’d hoped for; but a beautiful mess it is. Beautiful because I tried, and I learned and grew as a human being. All of that, is worth every penny of debt I owe, and every ounce of effort to keep this life I’m painting right tracked for the masterpiece it deserves to be.

My dreadlocks, locking away on their own accord, tidying things up one day at a time, are symbolic of much more than I ever thought avoiding a brush could be. They’ve got miles to go before any sort of order will come, and they’ll spend the rest of their lives growing and changing with the flow.

Who knew avoiding a brush could teach you so much?
Oh, the simple things!

The Lesson of Things

Downsize from house to van, and you give alot away.
Downsize from van to backpack, and you give more away.
Imagine the warmth of a hat when it’s -45 degrees.
Find a cute hat sitting in a tree on your walk home.
Think how nice a healthy breakfast would be,
instead of the donut you can really afford.
Have strangers insist on taking their change…
while you’re smiling at how broke you are,
because you gave it all away.
Go home and find your wardrobe quadrupled.
Wonder what you’re supposed to do,
with all the love surging through you.
Money, money, money.
Or love, love, love.
You end up with all the same things.
It’s time to downsize again,
consider the lessons learned
through the little things.