I am frustrated.

I am frustrated because I want to give and give and give; I want to share and love and laugh; I want to heal and provide, for everyone, everywhere; but I am stuck with a debt over my head; and none of that, will pay back the money that I owe.

Money that I borrowed to remember who I Am and why I am here. Money that helped me learn to share and love and laugh; heal and provide. Money which carried me through school, opening my eyes to the beauty of the world.

I can’t take back what I did, or I’d never have found this overflowing sort of joy. Suddenly I’m at a crossroad, wondering what to do about all this money that I owe.

It feels wrong, to walk past garbage on the beach, and a homeless man in need. It feels wrong, to steal from the world- because that’s how I feel when I buy produce robbed from the land, when I could share by growing my own. It feels wrong to tune out the song of birds, and the whispers of trees, but buzzing city streets will threaten my life if I don’t.

So here I am, at the crossroad, trying to learn how to balance both. It is not in me to do what feels wrong- that is not who I am, that is not love or trust or honesty. Yet, it feels like I must do the wrong, to rid of the giant student loans.

Oh what to do. What TO DO!…
dklagjlrajgoiraurioeuaiowueroiwuare is a visual of the thinking in my head…
Life would be easier, if only I’d taken my education by the books.
sajfioejreiouaoijvofiajeoir. 

(And for the record, I am happy. I am full of love and trust for the world. I am a giant bounty of joy! I am also human, so I also do get frustrated- especially when my path feels more right than ever, yet is complicated by matters that seem so wrong.)