Why do things feel so right when they are so complicated? Like jumping through hoops because time and jobs and school and money, just don’t line up with relationships and passion and puppy dogs?
These pressures to give in, cave around me as I trudge through hardening cement, just to make the smallest of baby steps towards my dream. I tried to fit where I didn’t belong, because I faulted on myself; I didn’t trust the flow, I just didn’t. Then I did. And that’s really what complicated matters.
[ Gosh it gets fuzzy in times like these! Two feet on the ground, but one in China and one in Mexico. I thought I could do both. ]
Numbers over my head, like an umbrella on a sunny day, blocking my view from the wide open ocean before me. A sneak peak here and there, through the haze. I know where to go, but the number just doesn’t exist in that flow. [Yet it is, what brought me to the sea of possibilties before me. ] It is all so frustrating. Confusion of worlds who can barely communicate.
The sun burns the clouds away, but there is no sun in a ficticious world. Just a picturesque version, gone in the flip of a page.
Money, who’s the brilliant mastermind behind this? Can they not see, I live to provide? But how to provide, when they’ve burdened me with this weight upon my shoulders. I am not like them, I am me. Yet I needed what I needed to give all that I can give. This energy exploding through my veins, ready to share…
They could make a profit from simply letting me be me, you know? But they don’t, and I’m not sure what hoops I’ve got to jump through. I am a fuel they seize to see, a light they forget to use; block the flame, and take the cash, that’s what I a feel they see me as. Oh if they could see the value of letting in the light, what a world they would see.
I will find a way, I know I will; I trust myself, I trust the flow. To Be, is all we need. But this energy in me is quickly melting into confusion. I don’t know how to neutralize the acidtiy of the rain cloud over me, without sacrificing the light which I Am.
Am I right to be who I am? Is there no debt forgiveness for that? I’ll exchange my light- my fuel, my love. I want no return, but room to share.